Chapter 36
On Thursday, we boarded the flight back home. As fate would have it, Gabriel got a call from work that screamed emergency, something about his deal with Viktor’s father. I wasn’t disappointed because we hadn’t spoken anything after our conversation about Lily. Gabriel spent the rest of that day taking online meetings, and I dozed off before he even made
it back to our room.
I spent the flight time convincing myself that I didn’t get to be a hypocrite- I didn’t get to tell Gabriel that Sam was a part of my past and then throw a tantrum about this Lily. I tried convincing myself of that, but deep down in my heart I knew I was talking about two very different things. I and Sam never dated. Gabriel dated Lily till the week before our wedding, possibly till the day before it- and that hurt my heart in ways I couldn’t explain.
In all the time we spent getting to know each other, I wondered why he never told me about such an important detail,
I spent the entirety of the flight time trying to avoid him, and I knew he was aware of it and that I was getting on his last nerve every time I pretended to be reading the magazine with such focus that I didn’t hear him calling me. Once, I even pretended to be asleep.
Was I being petty about it? Yes.
Were there more mature ways of handling this situation? Definitely.
Was I going to still continue being petty? Absolutely.
“If you’re done ignoring me, I would like to talk.” Gabriel announced in the car when we were on our way back from the airport. In all the ways I thought of to avoid him, I didn’t calculate the time it would take to reach home.
“I’m not ignoring you,” I raised my shoulders. “I’m just watching the night sky.”
“It’s black. There’s nothing to see.”
“Of course you would say that,” I muttered under his breath.
“What was that?”
“Nothing.” I finally turned towards him. “There are stars outside. In the sky.”
“I’m not talking about stars. I’m talking about you ignoring me.”
“I’m not.”
“Hm.”
He looked at me like there were a hundred thoughts in his head and he couldn’t decide which one to speak up about. Finally, he settled on: “I’m not in contact with her.”
“Her?” I played dumb, as if it would make him believe that I wasn’t bothered about her. As if.
“Lily.” Even her name hurt. “I’m not in contact with her any more. I haven’t been since…”
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Chapter 36
“Since we got married?”
He nodded.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
I nod.
He adds, “You don’t want to talk to me about it? Ask questions, perhaps?”
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I knew asking him anything would just hurt me more. That thought of him wanting to be with her before his grandparents forced him to be with me hurt. The thought of him returning to her after our six months got over while my stupid heart dreamt of him and the possibility of an us hurt. “How long did you date her?”
“A few years.”
“How many?”
“Three.”
I felt
my ch*st tighten. Three years was a long time. She just wasn’t his girlfriend, he loved her. Love. It was a big word. It was a scary feeling.
“Did you… were you considering…” I paused. I didn’t have it in me to finish the sentence even, but I took a deep breath. I couldn’t let it affect me this way. Worse things have happened to me than finding out that the man I was falling for had a girl he loved before me.
I looked at him. Stared in his eyes. And then I asked: “If I hadn’t happened, were you going to marry her?”
He stayed silent for a moment, his eyes searching into mine for I don’t even know what.
“Yes.”
I gulped. “Okay.”
“Freckles.”
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“No, I get it.” I shook my head, “You had a life before me. Thanks for answering me honestly and entertaining my questions.”
And then, I looked away. I didn’t look back at him for the rest of the ride, and he didn’t ask me to.*
I wish I could treat her like she was just an ex to him, but now I knew she wasn’t. She was his girlfriend of three years, the woman who was supposed to be in Venice with him, the woman whose name was supposed to be attached with his.
Not me. Never me.
I was a replacement put in place for six months by his grandparents, something he agreed to only so he gets to inherit the company he gives his blood and sweat to.
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Back at home, in my room, even though I promised myself I wouldn’t, I searched her up. I searched them up. All misunderstandings I had of him as a playboy before disappeared when hundreds of pictures of them came up, most of them snapped from outside when they were in restaurants- so many of such snaps that it would seem it was the only thing they do.
And she was pretty- with her tan skin and green eyes and thin lips. The daughter of a diamond merchant. Somehow the opposite of how I looked with my dark hair and brown eyes and Asian features. And those freckles,
I remembered one of the questions a reporter had thrown at us when paparazzi ambushed us after our wedding- ‘What
about Ms. Grant?‘
I remembered it only very vividly because I didn’t care about Gabriel enough then to even give another girl’s name a second
thought.
I did now.
I cared about him.
I was falling in love with him.
And the fear at the base of my heart- one that said it was just S*x for him while I was making castles in the air.
I needed to get a grip on myself, and I promised myself I would after tomorrow. Tonight, I let myself wallow in self pity about how naive I had been.
I had lived alone in my bed basically all my life, but it never felt as empty as it did that night without him in it.
