Chapter 71
Sam picked me up at noon. The first thing I noticed about him was how awfully dressed up he was in his khaki pants and branded sweater, and I wondered if it was just to pick out the babies‘ beds with me or if he had something going after that, but I didn’t want to offend him by asking.
“Two? Why do you need two?” Sam asked me when we were walking through the aisle of one of the only two maternity stores my hometown had, and some eyes turned towards us. I could see realisation flicker in an old lady’s eyes when they set on me and then going to my belly, but she looked away just as quickly.
“Twins need two beds,” I remind him.
“Twins?” His eyes widen.
“I didn’t mention?”
“No.” A little smile spreads over his lips, “Two. Wow. Double trouble.”
I smile, walking over to the white beds, just the kind I had imagined, and ch*ck the tag hanging. The colour of my face drains when I see the price on them: 350USD.
350USD wasn’t a lot and I was well aware there were cots that cost much more than this, but it was a lot to someone trying to save every last cent. I had expected 400USD for both, but this was one at the price of two.
“Is everything okay?” Sam asked, probably noticing how the happiness in my eyes faded,
“Yeah.” I pass him a meek smile, ‘I was buying a cot instead of a crib to save down the line, but I can buy just one. It’s too big for an infant. They can share for the first few months and when they begin to outgrow the space, I’ll just buy another.”
“Or… I can buy the second one for you,” he offers.
“Nonsense!”
“No, really. I obviously missed your baby shower or a gender reveal party or any of those things they do these days, so consider this my baby shower gift?”
ד
“I didn’t have a baby shower.”
“Blasphemy,” He teased, “We should totally have one now.”
“Party of three? Luna being the third, by the way.”
“Come on, you’re not that lonely.”
“I am,” I raise my shoulders, walking to the baby clothes section. I hadn’t bought any yet, and I figured this was as good a time as any to start collecting some clothes. I didn’t know the genders yet, so I was picking out only the gender neutral onesies. “I mean, I can always call Alice, but…”
My voice fades and when it doesn’t pick up again, he quietly adds, “I don’t think you should do that.”
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“Why not?”
“I may have mentioned to her last night that you’re back here and she may have not reacted to that very well.”
Silence hangs between us as I process his words before replying a, “Oh.”
“I’m sure she’ll come around,” he quickly says, passing me a pastel yellow onesie with various animals scattered around it. “It’s just that your disappearance hurt her.”
I nod, pushing back the heaviness making its way to my chest. I was hurt, so I hurt the people around me. I knew apologies were due, but would she really not want me to even reach out and offer an explanation?
“Aw, this is cute.” I grab a bear onesie, and then make it two. It was my quick way to change the topic, and Sam took the
bait.
“So, that cot. I’m buying one. Scratch that, I’m buying both.”
My lips part. “Absolutely not.”
“I have to gift you something..”
‘Not such an expensive col!”
“You’re my best friend, Soph. I’ve known you since we were kids and now you are having kids. You really think gifting a cot is expensive? Because you need to wait around and see how I’m going to spoil them.”
I sigh, looking at him reluctantly. “Are you sure?”
“Would I even offer if I wasn’t?”
I smile, and he smiles back as we head to the billing counter with my cart full of baby products and baby clothes.
“That’ll be $1250, The cashier says, her grey eyes flickering from me to Sam.
“We’d like to bill for the cots separately,” Sam tells her for my benefit.
“One of the cots.” I sa
She nods, and hands him a notepad. “Please write the address at which you want the cots delivered.”
“I got it,” Sam says, and I hand her my card.
“Twins?” She asks.
I nod, a little smile making its way to my lips.
“I had twins too, about fifteen years ago.” She smiled back while processing my cart, her eyes filled with a happy nostalgia. “My girls were a handful.”
“I’m trying to be as prepared as I can be, I tell her, cradling my bump.
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“Oh, dear, my situation was very different. I was all alone because my husband decided to take a job overseas when I was six months pregnant, can you believe It? But, don’t worry, between the two of you, I think you’ll be just fine.”
“Oh…” My smile falls just as quickly as my expression. “We’re not… he isn’t…”
“Thank you.” Sam cuts me off, handing her the notepad with a tight lipped smile and puts his hand around my shoulder lightly, guiding me out with the bags in his other hand.
It should be Gabriel. This should be Gabriel.
As soon as the thought finds its way into my mind, I get silent and I remain so for the entire time till we get back.
“Thank you for coming with me,” I tell Sam when he keeps the shopping bags outside my front door. It was just early evening and the sun was setting.
“I’m mad. You didn’t even eat lunch!”
“I just lost appetite.”
“Hm.” He buzzes, sitting on the stairs by the wooden porch outside my house.
“What’re you doing?”
He pats the place next to him. “Sit with me?”
I stare, and then give in. He helps me sit, because it was getting harder and harder. It really was a miracle that I count contain my pee from the diner till here.
“What’s up?”
“You didn’t call, Soph.” He says, his voice soft. “You just disappeared one day and I found out from news articles that the girl I have been in love with all her life has married someone else.”
My face falls.
“I believed all kind of rumours, you know? I believed that this was just a contract marriage and that you were forced into this and that you’ll get free and come to me some day.” He added, and I purse my lips, unable to look away from him. “When I saw the two of you here that first time, I saw it in his eyes, he was in love with you. It irked him that I was there, that you were talking to me, that you were acknowledging my existence at all and I thought I should move on.”
“I did, you know?” He goes on, “I did move on, especially when Jim passed and I saw how he held you… as much as it hurt, I accepted that that was your life now. He was your life now. And then, you went ahead and got a divorce.”
“I know you love him. I can still see it in your eyes. I know I’m not him, but he’s gone, Soph.” Sam’s words make my heart
drop and the urge to punch him makes its way back to me. “I guess, what I’m saying is, for me, it was always you. And that man? He’s given up on this? On you? His own children? I don’t understand how you can still love him.”
“Sam…” I try cutting him off.
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“Soph,” he doesn’t let me speak, “Let me step in.”
My lips part. “What?”
“The babies… they need a Dad, even if you don’t need a husband. Let me love them like my own.”
My brain fogs and nothing forms up. Nothing. All I can say is: “Sam…. What?!”
“I will accept whatever pieces you give me of you, Sophia. It’s always been you for me, and it will always be you. And these little babies, I can love them like…”
“Sam, stop.” I finally say, my voice soft but firm enough for him to stop rambling and look at me. “They are Gabriel’s children. Him not being here will never change the truth. I… I love him. I will always love him. I have nothing to give you. I’m
sorry.
“You’re being selfish,” he grits. “You’re denying your children the love of a father figure because you are in love with a man who never loved you back.”
Hurt must’ve flashed across my face quite evidently because his eyes widen and he immediately strings together apologies that I don’t entertain.
“I will pay you back for the cot,” I scowl, “Leave.”
“Sophia…
‘I said… LEAVE!”
The door behind me flings open and reveals a huffing Luna with a large spoon in her hand that was dripping gravy. She frowns. “Is there a problem?”
“No.” Sam gets up, “I was just leaving.”
Luna helps me up because I refuse to take Sam’s extended hand, and walk inside, ignoring his sad eyes fixed on my retreating figure.
SEND GIFT
