Chapter 63
Time doesn’t heal. That saying is a lie.
Being surrounded by people doesn’t make grief better. It isn’t a distraction, not if you really love the person you lost. Not when you’ve lost the only remaining member of your family to cancer. Not when you’re contemplating every decision you made wondering if you were wrong to leave him alone after you got married.
I
When I was in the city after I just got married, I missed him. But it didn’t consume me because I knew he was alive and well and surrounded by people who loved him and I visited him often too.
Now, it consumed me.
He was dead.
“Sophia, sweetheart,” Leila placed her hand on my shoulder, pulling me out of my thoughts. I blinked away the tears before turning back to look at Gabriel’s grandmother, who had been staying here with me since the past six days. Six days.
That’s how long it had been since I lost him.
I gulped the lump away. “Yes?”
“Are you okay?” She asked, “You’re lost in your thoughts again.”
“Just thinking about him,” I murmur, a breathy whisper
“I think about him a lot too.” There was sympathy in her eyes I didn’t want, because that’s how every eye in this town eyed me when I stood beside my husband and watched my grandfather’s coffin being buried into the ground in a spot he had picked out not long after he found out he had cancer.
I nodded, trying to smile and fail.
Six days had felt like six months, and they would have been six years if not for Gabriel. He held my hand so tight through every moment because the second he left me, I felt like I would collapse.
The first two days, I couldn’t eat. I would throw up everything I had.
“He was a good man, Sophia. And he raised a good girl.” Her hand reached out to me, and this time I managed to pull a smile even as fake as it was. “I and Alister are always here for you. We are your family, okay?”
I nod, the smiling inching forward a little.
There anything he would like us to do? I know he wasn’t very religious, but he spoke very passionately about a few
charities. We have made donations there in his name, but if there’s anything else…,” her voice fades.
I shook my head. “You’ve done so much. Thank you.”
“Nonsense. Family doesn’t thank each other, and that’s what we are, right?”
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I nod. My grandfather wasn’t very religious, he believed in Jesus in his heart, but that was about it. Nonetheless, we had a prayer meet, a ceremony in the church and the priest did all the necessities. I’ve been going to the church every day, lighting up a candle, but leaving my town and going back to the city doesn’t feel right just yet.
I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to this house, even though I knew I would have the keys and I could visit any time. It just would never feel the same as it did earlier, and I wasn’t ready to face that.
So I took the coward’s way, and stayed here after everything was done. And because I did, so did Gabriel, and even his grandparents stayed back. They had known my grandfather for a long time after all, and Alister looked like he lost a part of himself the day he saw him dead.
So had I.
“The lawyer was here,” I tell her, “He wanted to read out Grandpa’s will. There are a few documents I have to sign tomorrow, but except that, there’s nothing holding me back here. I just don’t feel like leaving yet.”
“Of course, that’s understandable. Alister had to leave today because of an emergency at work, but I and Gabriel are here for as long as you want to stay. I like it here too, I feel more connected to him.”
I smile at her. “I should ch*ck on Gabriel.”
I
She nods and smiles back as I head upstairs and to my room. Gabriel had been shouting on the call when I entered.
“Can you get a SINGLE thing right? A SINGLE.” He yelled, his eyes flickering to me at the entrance, “You know what? Don’t piss me off. I’ll do it myself when I get back.”
Saying as much, he disconnected the call, walking to me in long strides. His hands held my shoulders, rubbing it. “Are you okay, Freckles? Have you eaten lunch?”
I nod, “I’m fine, Gabriel.”
He glares.
“No, really. I’m okay today. The lawyer read his will to me today. It’s finally settling in.”
“Oh, baby, I’m so sorry” He pulls me into his chest, engulfing me in his arms. I breathe in his scent, the only thing keeping me sane lately.
“I inherited a house in London,” I tell him.
His eyebrows furrow. “I didn’t know you had a house in London.”
“Neither did I,” I chuckle, “Apparently, my father bought it when we were planning to shift and he was paying mortgage till he died. My Grandpa didn’t understand much of this stuff and I was too young to understand it, but I guess my Dad must’ve done something, because it still got paid off. It’s weird that Grandpa never mentioned this to me because if I had known, I would have sold that house instead of getting married for money.”
“Hey,” he narrows his eyes, “If you would have done that, you would’ve never met me.”
“Mm. Now that’s a problem, isn’t it?” I look up at him.
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“Big problem.” He smiles, bending down to place a little k*ss on my lips and then pulls away. “I missed this.”
I tug at his t–shirt. “I missed more than this.”
“Then let’s do more than this,” He k*sses me again and I moan quietly, melting into his arms.
“We can’t,” I remind him. “Your grandmother is downstairs.”
“We both know you can be quiet.” He smirks, turning me, moving my hair to one side and k*ssing my neck, and removing the trousers I was wearing as his hand wraps around my mouth, muffling my moans and screams.
That was the first time in the last four days that I had forgotten my grief, even if for a brief moment.
When we lay in bed, me because I was tired from the less food I had been eating and all the energy that I had, I had given to
S*x, and him because he liked holding me when I was n*ked.
“You can go home if you want, you know? I mumble against his chest.
“I’m not leaving you alone.”
“I won’t be alone, because Leila would be here.”
“Come with me,” he sighs, “Let’s go home. I know you want to mourn but everything in this house is making you sad. I can’t see you like this.”
“I need to sign what the lawyer sends tomorrow. I think… I think I’ll be ready to go after that.”
“Then we’ll go when you’re ready.”
“You’re missing out on work, Gabe.”
He k*sses my forehead. “More important.”
A smile spreads over my lips, and I didn’t have to tell myself to smile. It just did.
“Go.” I insist, “I know you’re in middle of an important deal. I won’t be alone. I’ll call Alice over and Leila is there too. And my b*dyguard and the security patrol.”
“Can never be too sure after you got kidnapped here. And there’s so many strangers coming in to pay their respects.” He groans, “And, I’m not leaving without you. What’s Alice going to do if your kidnapper shows up? Read him a book?”
“Hey.” I slapped his forearm. “She’s not that nerdy.”
“Please,” He snickers. “Not leaving you.”
I smile wider, hiding my face in the crook of his neck although there wasn’t much space left between us. Just then, his phone rings.
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He groans, leaving me and turning around.
The second his touch leaves my skin, I feel like I miss it. I was getting obsessed with this man. Every day in the past four days, it had been on the tip of my tongue to tell him I loved him, but I didn’t want him to think it was the grief talking because it wasn’t.
I loved him, long before I even realised I did.
He sat on the bed, staring ahead with furrowed eyebrows. His phone had stopped ringing, and he’d kept it on his bed, but he still seemed lost.
I wasn’t nosy like that, but I couldn’t help but peek at the phone when it rang again.
Lily Grant.
My heart skipped a beat, and then it sank so low, especially when he picked it up and pressed it to his ear. “Hello?”
“Hm?”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“I can’t.”
“Just–f**k. Okay.”
“Okay.”
“Yes, I said.”
And then he disconnected the call.
I had retreated back on my side of the bed, moments away from hiding my face into my pillow. “Is something wrong?” I ask him in a voice that barely made it out.
“It was just work, Freckles. Work emergency. Same one that Alister left with.” He lied blatantly looking at me, and I think my heart must’ve stopped beating when I had to nod, pretending I didn’t see the caller ID.
“Do you have to go?” A bare whisper,
“Yes, I’m sorry, sweetheart.” He leaned to my side k*ssing my forehead, his hand pressing mine irt reassurance. “I will double the security, make sure you’re safe every hour, okay? You won’t be alone for even a minute, not even here. I’ll see you at home tomorrow, yes?”
“I’ll see you,” I meekly nod.
And then he pulls away his hand like it wasn’t supposed to hold mine in the first place.
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