Chapter 19
“S–Sofia,” Sam greeted me when he hesitantly walked towards us, his eyes only looking at me.
“Sam,” I greeted him back. Do I hug him? Do we shake hands? Awkward, I just stood there. “H- How are
you?”
“I’m okay,” He replied. He was staring at me. He was staring at me as if the rest of the world disappeared for him and the guilt was so heavy on my insides it was physically hurting. “You got married.”
I tried giving him a little smile. Nothing came out. “I got married.”
“You look good,” He said and I subconsciously fixed my coat over the long knitted dress I was wearing, hugging it tighter to me. It was so cold, but I somehow felt warm and clammy and suffocated.
“Thanks. So do you.” I wanted to say so much but no words seemed like the right ones and I was afraid that the expression of being lost and confused was written all over my face, and my husband who’s stare I was painfully aware of could read it like it was his second language.
So I cleared my throat, taking in a deep breath. “Gabriel, this is Sam. He’s one of my closest and oldest friends from home.”
“Friend, huh?” Hurt flashed across Sam’s face that he tried his best to cover when he finally stopped looking at me and turned to the man I had just introduced him to.
“Gabriel,” He extended his hand, one that Sam hesitantly shook. “The husband.”
“Sam, just the friend.”
I gulped. Gabriel’s voice was loud and dominating, almost announcing.
*Funny how Freckles never mentioned you, just Alice.”
Liar. Liar. Liar. I stared at Gabriel, who wouldn’t turn his eyes back at me. What was he doing?
“Freckles, huh? Sam scoffed.
“Sam. I began, but nothing came out.
“Goodbye, Sofia.” He said, no emotions behind his voice. “Let’s go, Mom.”
I passed a small smile to Mrs. Riley, who just walked with her son, confused. I stared at their retreating figure for a moment too long, tears threatening to burn in my eyes.
I didn’t miss him. I didn’t have feelings for him. But he was one of my closest friends who stood like a pillar by my side every time my world shattered, and I hurt him. I knew he was in love with me, and I hurt him.
“He was just a friend, huh?” Gabriel said, and my head flipped to him.
He was pissed. There was anger on his face.
“What was that?”
“What was what?” He replied, but coldly. He walked ahead, refusing to look at me.
I fell in line with him. “I didn’t mention either Alice or him to you. You were just trying to hurt him.”
“And so what if I was, Freckles? It hurt you to see just a friend‘ hurting?” He spat, and I scowled.
He doesn’t get to be mad, not about this. So what if I had a past, so what if I had feelings for someone else, and so what if I left something incomplete to be his wife?
He didn’t know me before we were forced into a marriage, and I would be nothing to him five months from today when he places the divorce papers in front of me. When our contract ends.
My life before or after him was none of his business.
I let him give me the cold shoulder. I walked quietly by his side, not initiating any conversation, scowling silently.
But I’d be lying if I said his silence and coldness didn’t hurt, just after I thought we were over this phase.
“You drove three hours to talk to me, to get to know me and my life before you,” I finally said when we reached my house. My breath was shaky and there was a lump in my throat. He stopped walking, but he didn’t look at me. “This is me, and this my life before you, Sam being a part of it. You don’t get to choose which parts of my past you like and which you don’t, Gabriel.”
is
He didn’t reply.
He didn’t look at me.
He walked straight into the house.
I stood there for a few seconds feeling defeated, feeling the tears sting again but I drank them away as I followed him inside, pulling a pretence smile in front of my Grandpa.
We had dinner playing pretence of a perfect couple, and then gave my grandfather his medicines and tucked him in bed.
When I got outside to clear the table, Gabriel had already done it. So I took the disposable plates and threw them in the bin.
“Why do you use these?” He asked, and I wanted to ask ‘seriously?‘ but I didn’t.
“I used to work till late most nights and Grandpa usually didn’t have enough strength to wash the dishes, especially not after a round of chemo.” I reply without looking at him while stuffing the leftover dinner into the fridge. “This was just more convenient.”
Then, I turned to look at him. “Are you done being angry?”
“No.”
“Okay.”
Chapter 19
“Where did you work?” He continued conversation nonetheless.
He was impossible.
“I worked a 9-5 job at a private company here,” I tell him, “And the diner we sat at? It’s an overnight one. I worked as a waitress there on alternate days.”
“When did you sleep?”
“Between jobs,” I gave him half a smile. “I managed.”
“Your life sounds hard.”
“It was.”
“Did he make it easier? Sam?”
I sigh looking at him. “Sam and Alice, they both did.”,
He nodded. He didn’t seem angry anymore, but not the warm person I was knowing him to be either.
And then, he stood up from the stool he was sitting at, walking to get his coat
“What’re you doing, Gabriel?”
“Rain ch*ck on our plans?” He asked, “I just remembered some urgent work.”
My lips parted. “So you’re leaving?”
He nodded. “Goodnight, Freckles.”
I didn’t reply and he didn’t wait for one. The main door opened and closed and I stood frozen in my place till I heard the engine of his car roar, and then I let the tears lose.
I didn’t know why I was crying, maybe it was because of how hurt Sam was, and maybe it was because of Gabriel’s cold shoulder–one that I didn’t deserve, or the fact that my grandfather seemed weaker and frailer and I knew his chemotherapy was sucking the life out of him and he was dying, I didn’t know what it was but I felt like crying and so I did until I fell
asleep.
